Bisexual Erasure

Hi there, I'm bisexual!

Now that we got that out of the way, we can talk about something that is important to me. You see, I've been bisexual for a long time. Well, all my life, actually, but I didn't even know what homosexuality was until I was in high school, so of course I had no idea that I was bisexual. I remember when I first heard about being gay: it was when I was watching Clue, and Mr. Green came out of the closet. I had no idea what he had meant by it and asked my mortified mother, being too naive to know how embarrassing that was for her.

Later, I realized that I had been crushing on some of my female friends just as much as I had been crushing on the guys. In fact, crushing on girls was almost easier. Sleepovers, locker rooms... They never suspected anything, and I wasn't dumb enough to get caught staring; I behaved myself (probably because I was also extremely shy as a kid). But I knew, somehow, that it was "wrong" to like girls and kept my feelings hidden for a long, long time.

I did prefer men, however, and dated them exclusively (though I came really close with one particular girl in college...the sexual tension between us was as thick as pudding), and eventually got married to a man (who later also came out as bisexual!)

But you know what? I'm still bisexual. That hasn't changed. I still like to look at pretty women. And men.

Bisexual erasure is a real thing. It's the idea that people aren't really bi. They are either just straights "experimenting" or are actually gay and just haven't admitted it to themselves (or others) yet. It's a form of discrimination, often called monosexism (both gays and straight people are monosexual). People have actually asked me if I was still bisexual because I was married to a man."Shouldn't you just call yourself straight?" I've been asked.

No, no I shouldn't.

Being bisexual is as intrinsic to me as being gay is to gay people. I can't change it just because I got married. Gays have had this problem a long time, too. Just because they got married (to blend in, because of social pressure, because of hostile times in history, etc.) didn't mean they stopped being gay. They just had to hide it and suffer through a marriage they probably didn't really want. Luckily for me, I don't have to hide my bisexuality just because I'm married. I even got really lucky and found a man who later came out as bisexual himself.

For a long time, though, I did have to hide it. It was frustrating to explain to people that I was married to a man but still identified as bi. A lot of times I got confused looks. I wondered if people thought I was delusional or kidding myself and really was a lesbian. But I had tried out that label before I had met my husband, and I just couldn't do it. I still liked to look at men. And women.

So I just stopped talking about it. I didn't "come out" to friends because I thought it wasn't important. Yeah, I was still bi, but I was married. I bought into bisexual erasure. My identity wasn't important because of my relationship status.

That sucks.

This is the last weekend of Pride, and I'm going to be marching in Chicago's Pride Parade with the Bisexual Queer Alliance tomorrow. And I'm proud of that. I'm telling the world that I am bi, even though I am married to a man, and that's okay. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm certainly not going to stop saying I'm bi.

You can't erase me. You can't shut me up, and you certainly can't label me as straight.

I'm bisexual, and I'm proud of it!

(BTW: I do realize that the term "bisexual" is a little dated, and doesn't cover the entire spectrum of gender identity. I've always said that it didn't matter to me what was - or wasn't - in someone's pants, and that still applies. It's what is part of being bi...we like it all! "Pansexual" might be more accurate, but way harder to explain.)

Electronic Hijinks

I have always had a strange relationship with electronics. I love computers, even though most people my age distrust them to some degree. I was lucky; I grew up with computers because I had a father who was in engineering. We had computers - two of them - before most people even knew what a personal computer was.

Computers tend to obey me. They rarely break down (except printers...damn you printers!), rarely have severe problems, and I have never, ever lost a file at the last minute (okay, I did lose about 30,000 words of my Dark Crystal Author Quest submission once, but that was my iPad's fault).

Other types of electronics and I, however, do not get along so well.

Take elevators, for example. Let me tell you a story of the College of Nursing elevator. This lift really liked me, as in it followed me around. I didn't use it much on the way down; I usually took the stairs. My office was on the fourth floor, my lab on the second. With no one around to push the button, the doors would open for me on the fourth floor. I'd ignore it and take the stairs, only to have the doors open for me at the second floor, again with no one around to push the button.

This elevator liked me. It followed me.

The elevator in the College of Medicine was another story. It didn't like me. Any time I would get on, no matter how many people were in it (or not), the alarm would sound. When I stepped out of the elevator, the alarm would switch off. I got a lot of stares because of it.

Now, it's automatic doors. I guess my secret ninja skills have become so great that I no longer register on automatic door sensors. They won't open for me anymore, or they will open while I'm still thirty feet down the hall, then close just as I get to them - with no one else around.

What about you? Do you have any weird electronic hijinks stories? Do computers fritz out around you, like a certain Chicago wizard we all know and love? Do you have a pet elevator?

Photo credit: JD Hancock via photopin cc

Geek? Nerd? Writer?

Okay, so I'm not known for being consistent with blogging. I have three blogs and I barely write in any of them anymore. I suck.

I guess it's because I never know what to write about. I have lots of opinions about things, but I'm not always sure people want to read those opinions. So, yeah, I'm a little insecure about sharing things I like, especially since I am a nerdy geek. Or a geeky nerd. Or whatever. And a woman, and bad things tend to happen to opinionated women who have those strong opinions on geeky things.

I like Star Wars, and comic books, and video games. But I don't get much chance to do much about it. I work too much and I'm lazy. Yes, I just admitted that I'm lazy. But I am, and I'm trying not to be.

In other words, what I'm trying to say is that I am going to attempt to write more. I'm making writing a priority. I might even make a schedule, and put it in my calendar, and have it beep at me. Like I did for belly dance, and look how far that's gotten me! (Yep, this belly dancing writer is going to be teaching at Waking Persephone this year! Sweet!)

I will write about more than just writing here. I've contemplated renaming the blog, or just trashing this one and getting another. We'll see. I want to write about nerdy things and geeky things and stupid things. And writing. And dancing.

For now, thanks for reading, and hopefully this will all be worth something soon.

How Not to Write An Introduction

I recently read a pretty well known horror novel (you know, keeping up with the genre and because it was close to Halloween).  In the edition I was reading, there was an introduction by an extremely famous author.  Normally, I skip introductions, and I should have skipped this one.  But I thought he might have something interesting to say, so I decided to read it.  That was a mistake.

Why?

Because he gave away the ending.  Seriously, why do authors do this?  Yes, it was a well-known, rather old horror novel that's been made into a movie (twice).  But I had never read it (um, that's why I was reading it!), and if I hadn't caught on early enough, this famous author would have spoiled the entire novel for me.

An analysis, especially a blow-by-blow analysis, of a novel belongs at the END of a book.  In an afterward, or an author's note, or an editor's note, or something of that ilk.

Please, dear editors, dear authors, dear whoever-will-be-writing-introductions, don't spoil the book for your readers, even if the book is a hundred years old.  Chances are, there's someone out there who has never read it before and never seen the movie.  Do you really want to rip away the joy of that twist ending just so you can sound smart about it?

If you want your introduction to actually be read by someone, try introducing the novel, rather than analyzing it, okay?

Writing Flawed Characters

One of the most important parts of writing is character development.  But this is also one of the most challenging aspect of writing for many writers (including me).  Too many writers get into Mary Sue characters (for more information regarding this, see here ... for those who don't want to click, basically a "perfect" character or a stand-in for the author, often without flaws or in some other way idealized).  Bella from the Twilight series is often criticized as a Mary Sue, and for good reason.  There is no character development in Bella.

Writing flawed characters is actually much more fun than writing Mary Sues, trust me.  When I used to play roleplaying games, the characters I remember the most were the ones that were most unlike me, those that I had to stretch to play.  It was fun being someone completely different.  Writing flawed characters is just the same.  Mary Sues are boring to read and to write.

Let's take Lizzy, my protagonist from The Horror at Palmwich.  I will stay away from spoilers if you haven't read the book (hint: you can buy it here), but I will talk a little about some of her choices in general terms.  Be cautioned!

Lizzy is very definitely not me, in any way shape or form.  She's not even really my opposite, either.  But she is deeply flawed.  She desires to be--and sees herself to be--this great journalist, but she really isn't.  Watch how her voices changes throughout the story.  Her voice in the introduction to the "manuscript" (where she had the leisure to agonize over every word and make it perfect) is very different than the voice in the rest of the "manuscript" (something she probably did not want to read more than she had to, not wanting to re-live it).  She's more casual in the "manuscript" and much more formal in the introduction.  There was a reason for it.

Some of the choices Lizzy makes are also important.  Many of them seem irrational or misguided.  But what would you do if confronted with what she had to go through?  Would you act rationally?  She wanted to investigate this "hot story" but it got too personal, and then too scary, and she could no longer be the objective journalist.

When I wrote Lizzy, I was coming at her decisions and choices from a perspective that was not mine.  I had to step back and think not, "What would I do?" but "What would Lizzy do?" and that was difficult.  But it was also fun.  Lizzy was definitely a stretch and a learning experience for me.

What do you think?  Do you like reading Mary Sue characters so that you can insert yourself into the character, or do you want to read about someone else?

An Author is Born

Here we are, my first post as a blogging author. You've probably never heard of me, and that's okay. I'll forgive you. For now.

Seriously, though, this is my first official post as an author. I published a book. Unfortunately, I cannot say that I got a book published. *I* published a book. It's called "The Horror at Palmwich." I have to say, I'm kind of proud of it, even though I decided to self-publish it. Through the wonders on the Internet, I was able to submit my novel to CreateSpace and get a copy in about a week or two. It was awesome. And also through the wonders of the Internet, you can get my novel, too. So get to it. I'll wait here.

Got it? Great. I'm glad, because now we can be friends. I hope you enjoy it, but if you don't, that's okay too. We can still be friends, because I know that horror is not to everyone's taste. And "The Horror at Palmwich" is definitely on the put-the-book-in-the-freezer list.

But don't peg me as a horror author yet! I have lots to give, and I hope that you continue to follow me on this weird little journey I'm taking into the writing world (I'm a scientist by training, and a professional belly dancer by choice). What's next? A supernatural romance, and then maybe a comic book. Yeah, that sounds about right.

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